For My Eighth Graders.....

“Do not be conquered by evil but conquer evil with good.” Romans 12:21

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful. John 16:33

100 Ways to Create a Peaceful World

1.     Breathe deeply.

2.     Stand for something. 

3.     Have courage to be who you are. 

4.     Have empathy to help OTHERS be who THEY are.

5.     Play fair.        

6.     Hug your mom.

7.      And your dad. 

8.     Invite someone new to eat lunch with you. 

9.     “But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you.” Matthew 5:44.

10. Speak carefully.

11. Do your homework.  Do it right

12. Exercise your body.

13. Exercise your mind.

14. Sign the pledge at http://www.r-word.org/

15. “Give to the one who asks of you, and do not turn your back on one who wants to borrow.”  Matthew 5:42

16. Play a game with your little sister.  Don’t whine about it.

17. Talk to a kindergartener on the playground.

18. Twirl the jumprope for a child.

19. “But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you.” Matthew 5:44.

20.  Forgive someone.  And forget about it.

21. Listen to your parents.

22. Listen to your priest.

23. Keep your hands to yourself.

24. Study during your study hall.

25. “You have heard that it was said,^x ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’  But I say to you, offer no resistance to one who is evil. When someone strikes you on (your) right cheek, turn the other one to him as well.” Matthew 5:38-39.

26. Sign up to learn about peace-building at http://www.buildingpeace.org/user

27. Stay off Facebook.

28. Don’t fight back.  Walk away.

29. Smile at someone on the bus. Especially the driver.

30. Choose your words carefully.

31. Find out what it takes to earn the Nobel Peace prize at http://www.buildingpeace.org/act-build-peace/learn/famous-peacebuilders-quiz

32. Earn the peace prize in your family, your classroom, and within your group of friends.

33. “Do not swear by your head, for you cannot make a single hair white or black.  Let your ‘Yes’ mean ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No’ mean ‘No.’ Anything more is from the evil one.” Matthew 5:36-37.

34. Say YES to your parents.

35. Choose your words carefully with your friends.

36. Tell the truth.

37. TRY YOUR HARDEST.  In everything. And ALL THE TIME.

38. Pick up some trash: at the lake, at Weiss field, on your street.

39. “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat [or drink], or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?” Matthew 6:25

40. Have faith: in God, in YOURSELF, in your family.

41. Use your church envelope.

42. Put your own money in it.

43. “But seek first the kingdom (of God) and his righteousness.”Matthew 6:33

44. Play fair.

45. Clean out your closet.  Give the good stuff to someone who can use it.

46. Tell your friends you appreciate them.

47. Smile at someone you don’t know.

48. WANT to be closer to God.

49. WORK ON being closer to God.

50. “Stop judging,^* that you may not be judged.^b For as you judge, so will you be judged, and the measure with which you measure will be measured out to you” Matthew 7:1-2

51. Accept people: what they wear, what they say, who they are. Especially the ones in your class, on your team, in your house.

52. Study a new language.

53. Learn about a foreign country.

54. Rejoice with your friends’ victories.

55. “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.^f 8For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Matthew 7:7-8.

56. Ask for grace and answers.  Listen to the message you receive.

57. “Do to others whatever you would have them do to you.ⁱ Matthew 7-12

58. Share your good stuff.

59. Go to http://www.aalcrs.org/how-you-can-help.html#donate_goods and donate to Avon Lake CRS.

60. Vacuum your house.

61. Vacuum your grandma’s house.

62. Pay it forward: buy someone dinner without getting repaid.

63. Do something great that no one will ever find out about.

64. “And do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul.” Matthew 10:28.

65. Bring life to your classroom.  Say good morning, smile, encourage your mates.

66. “Let love be sincere; hate what is evil, hold on to what is good.” Romans 12:9.

67. Believe that the good guys in the white hats will always win.

68. Be the good guy.

69. Do your schoolwork with integrity. 

70. Keep your answers to yourself.

71. Listen to your friend and his problems.

72. “Rejoice in hope, endure in affliction, persevere in prayer.^”Romans 12:12.

73. Go to adoration.

74. Seek quiet.

75. Be tough. Be vulnerable, Know that God is in charge.

76. “Have the same regard for one another; do not be haughty but associate with the lowly; do not be wise in your own estimation.” Romans 12:16.

77. Care for the marginalized.

78. Stand up to a bully.

79. “If possible, on your part, live at peace with all.” Romans 12:18

80. Be nice to the lunch monitor.

81. Clean up your own garbage. 

82. Push in your own chair.  And your friend’s.

83. Exert positive peer pressure.

84.  “Owe nothing to anyone, except to love one another; for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.” Romans 13:8.

85. Love one another. ESPECIALLY those who are difficult.

86. “Then let us no longer judge one another, but rather resolve never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother.^”  Romans 14:13

87. Help your friends make good choices.

88. Listen.

89. Tell an adult if something is not right.

90. Sign this petition to stop bullying.  http://www.pacerkidsagainstbullying.org/#/home

91. Don’t talk behind someone’s back.

92. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

93. Stay clear of violent video games and television shows.

94. Volunteer at Vikings Club or a local nursing home.

95. Study. Sweat. Pray.

96. Work to your potential.

97. Believe YOU have the power to change the world.

98. Be responsible.

99. “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philipians 4:6-7

100. Cultivate patience.

“If you want peace, work for justice.” Pope Paul VI

Autumn's Promise

 

This is the kind of day I was made for.  The air is ripe with flavor.  And desperation.  The slanted sun warms slowly now, dappling through the changing leaves and kissing the top of my hooded sweatshirt.  But there is nothing slow about this world.  Or my stride.  The ground is littered with acorns and rotting fruit, the summer’s promise past its prime.  The squirrels scurry for winter, too.

I understand their pursuit.  I am also frantic.  The clock is ticking and I have miles to go.  The metaphor is not lost on me.  An ache really, this feeling of need and time twirling me into captivity.  I am not a willing prisoner. 

Autumn is the procrastinator’s paradise.  The lessons are not subtle here.  The looming skies and swirling leaves demand much of me.  No time to fritter and wonder and wait.  I go all-in and take it to the wall.

I cut the grass today, each stripe a sentinel marking time, each pile of leaves and clippings packed into the bag to await the recycler’s truck.  I throw aside the obstacles in my way.  Three squirt guns lay, still at the ready, in the back yard; a bat and ball are tucked away beneath the swings.  In the corner, a pail and shovel from summer digging, and shells and rocks piled high in some strange Aztec ruin.

Why do I scurry so, trying to pack away the summer and the accouterments and games?  The shadows deepen and my memory clears.  The cold is coming hard and fast; this is what I know.  The animals feel it too.  The squirrels are frenzied and skittish, gathering their winter’s meal.  The acorns fall like bullets on my house and head and car. The sharp cold turns my fingers as white as pall.

But this is the kind of day I was made for:  sucking marrow from the last straws of warmth, breathing deeply as the leaves careen to earth and the acid tang burns my nostrils, joining the critters in my backyard in their race to the great chill that is hurtling towards us.  Our urgency is ripe with truth and hope and longing, as the shadows swallow the deepening light. 

For My Maura

The platitudes are true. I can hardly figure it, that ten years ago tonight I was on the cusp of MOTHER-DOM. MOTHER-NESS? MOTHER-LOVING?? I laugh at what I thought I knew, and the ways she has challenged me and changed me.

She had a tough job, teaching me the ropes of this gig called mom. And she still takes it very very seriously. Teach me she has, with her earnest eyes and passioned ways. I learn something new every day.

What did I used to do before this lass and her brothers happened on this mortal coil? I truly can’t remember. And I don’t really want to. They more than make up for all the blockbuster movies and quiet Saturday mornings and romantic dinners I may have missed.

What a pleasure to see this butterfly unfold. Tough as nails, she is. Doesn’t cry for immunization shots or Pa’s death or Taco Tuesday. But give her someone breaking the rules, and she is a firebrand ablaze. My black and white girl, the one who knows which way to go, and wants all those around to follow her lead.

But I have learned to be stealthy and catch her in those quiet moments when she puts her cape of justice down and giggles herself to sleep. Last night I marveled at her whispering with her closest friends. It took my breath, this scene. A decade since my baby burrito was placed in my arms, and now to see her telling secrets in the dark……

I love how a moment can bring me to my knees. This week has been so tough. The back to school schtick is still not settled, the house is in a ridiculous uproar between renovate and done, and the community we live in is on edge with illness and suicide. The day after her birthday will be no easier, the anniversary of the day our country lost its innocence for good.

But my girl is turning ten on the tenth, and in a few short hours I will marvel at the gift I’ve cherished for ten whole years. This birthday is big: double digits AND her golden birthday. She claims she doesn’t want to get older, but only because the math is getting harder. I know she is ready for bigger plans and incredible dreams.

She is so hard to put into words, doesn’t unwrap herself efficiently and loudly like her brothers do. But on this swirling, almost-fall evening that is blowing the leaves and acorns, I know that she is my safety , my port, my teacher.

She is what I never could have imagined but what I now know I needed. She is my walking thanksgiving, and my heart cannot possibly hold this much.

A Grief Observed

Today I feel crass. In the wake of the latest school shooting, in a school very dangerously close to my own, I am in no hurry to “hug my kids tighter” or post my thoughts and prayers for the families affected on my Facebook page or grieve with the city of Cleveland like so many people around me.

And I don’t know why this is. I am usually good for some empathy. I have been known to cry in the deli department when listening to an old man talk about his late wife, or be the listening ear for a student whose grandmother has died. There is just something about this very public grief that is difficult for me. Or would I call it compassion fatigue? I just can’t take in ALL the grief in all its forms and still function. At any rate, I don’t feel the need to chime in visibly that my prayers are with Chardon or that I am wearing red to honor those who are hurting.

I have felt conflicted all day.

Perhaps it is because I know (with great certainty) that I could NEVER know how these people feel. I send my kids to school, and feel sure each day that they will come bounding back in the door ready for a cookie and a hug at the end of the day. I go to school myself, and I feel pretty confident that I will not have to usher gunmen out of the hallway where I teach. Do I believe this can happen? Sure. Have I taught a kid who is capable of this massacre? Probably. But I know that the vast majority of students in the vast majority of schools are just fine each day. I don’t bury my head in the sand, but I don’t dwell on the “might have beens” or “could be’s” either.

I think the real reason for my apparent apathy, though, is that I have known tragedies of my own, and thus, have already learned the lessons. I’m not saying my cup of grief is at capacity—I don’t really think it works that way—but the fact that I have stared horror in the face in my OWN little family makes me more respectful of and subdued about the tragedy of others. I know that the world can change on a dime. I learned that when I watched my husband get the phone call that his brother had died—much too young and much too tragically. I know that bad things happen to good people. Learned that when my sweet father suffered and struggled and died just days after my wedding. And I learned that life isn’t fair when my best friend was given a dire health diagnosis and when I lost a baby that was very much wanted. I am not saying that my grief is more important—and I have certainly had more time to heal—but I just cannot wholly swallow the public bath of tears.

The tragedy in Chardon doesn’t make me want to hug my children tighter or live better. My own history has already taught me that. I know I am not perfect, but I read books with my kids and do art and make salt crystals and play Spot It and hug them tightly and love them deeply. I call my mother and kiss my husband and make sure that I don’t leave things unsettled when I walk out the door.

I'd like to think that we would all live to age 95 and die peacefully while eating a Malley's sundae, but you never know . I am sorry that these families in Chardon learned that the hard way. Sometimes I think the intensity of my love and loss early in my life was a blessing, because death taught me a whole lot about how to live. Maybe events like the Chardon shooting can be the catalyst for people who have not had to face difficult circumstances in their own lives. I am all for EVERYBODY trying to be a little more loving and a lot more tolerant. (A massacre like this might even have been avoided if that were the case.) And of course I am feeling for those affected in my own way. Being human teaches me that. But I am not jumping on the bandwagon just to make myself feel better. I will keep on keeping on in my own little corner of the world, trying to smile and stretch and love those whom I meet in my ramblings.

Running to Stand Still

Five weeks down in my marathon training. Well, what I should say is five weeks down in WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN my marathon training. To say I am disappointed is an understatement. I started two years ago as an Olympic couch potato, and have since crossed the finish line of two half-marathon. I struggled to find the nerve to run the full 26.2, signed up, trained throughout the off-season, but in week two of the actual training: KAPLLOOY!!

I am the most optimistic person I know, but even I know that I cannot get to marathon shape by May 20. This has been hard to swallow, but when the physical therapist says you can run 15 minutes straight in week 5, even my non-mathematical mind can figure out that 5/20 is a no-go. Ugh.

So on to Plan B I go: run the half-marathon on May 20. A myriad of reasons (I am not just rationalizing here, am I?) make this a very good idea. I won’t have to hit the dreaded wall of twenty miles, or do a twenty-mile training run while my husband prepares for a rigorous new position at work. (Principal takes a lot of time and energy….so proud of him. But I digress.) I can train with my friend Pat who I coerced into running the half, and probably run WITH him throughout the race.

I have signed up already, and want to keep blogging and thinking about my training, so I don’t want to just quit where I am. The cross-training has actually been kind of freeing, and Pat has influenced me to be a swimmer. (See how that works? Having a training partner really DOES help keep you moving.) I swam my first WHOLE MILE a week or so ago, and it is a great feeling. I’ve been utilizing the elliptical for a good workout, then jumping on the treadmill for the allotted 15 minute run. I have been doing my exercises and stretches and my knee really does feel strong. Slow and steady wins the race. Or in my case, slow and steady finishes the race.

I am still fighting the vague nagging that I am a quitter. But in running (as in life), you can only do what you can do and what your body allows. I will not sacrifice my body and future five milers in the woods just so I can SAY I ran a marathon.

To the gym with me, to be a stronger, smarter runner. Not such a bad idea after all!!

Ninja Runner

I am sure everyone has been waiting with baited (or would that be bated?) breath to find out my diagnosis from the physical therapist this morning. I was pretty anxious myself, and the irony of getting hurt just as I started training for the BIG RACE is still frustrating.

But the appointment was good. Stephen was very patient and informative and I am seeing the silver lining that this is a time to learn to do things the right way and to strengthen and stretch my body as it deserves. Apparently I do not have an injury, break, dislocation or other malady that will keep me from running. My issue is mechanical, and with time and information I should be able to rehab to run long again. (I am doing my best to forget the running log and the 5 miler I SHOULD have been doing today for marathon training, but I did manage a strong one mile run with no pain and some strength work today.) And of course, in the office, my knee did not even hurt in all the tests he ran.

As I was reading my son his bedtime story tonight, The Official Guide of Ninjago, Master of Spinjitzu, I realized that I could use the rules of ninjas to guide me through the next few months as a runner.

1. Comfort is a thing of the past. Well, yes. Not only will I feel this twinge for the foreseeable future, if I do my workouts the RIGHT way I will be burning and gasping (in a good way, right?). And if I rehab to the point of being able to do 26.2, then comfort will truly leave me.

2. To rush is to fail. I am fighting the urge to do too much too soon. My one-mile run felt good today and I wanted to continue. I can’t wait to try again tomorrow and see how my knee responds. But I think that taking it easy will be better in the long run. My physical therapist and my muscles think so too.

3. Moderation in all things. This is a no-brainer. I always battle taking things to the extreme: whether Girl Scout cookie eating or logging miles or planning the perfect activity with my kids. If I slow down (see rule 2) and relax, I can build a strong base for the future, through moderation.

4. Calm before the storm. I cannot let my emotions rule me. I still feel disappointed. At age 40 I have spent the past two years changing my life. The marathon was the final hurdle. And now this. But I will make my choices and work out without emotion ruling. Que sera sera.

5. Discipline. Ninjas must be organized, respectful and industrious in all things. As the mother of three and a teacher, I must organize my time even more carefully to do extra stretching and prepare myself for smaller goals leading to my ultimate marathon goal. And I have to have the discipline to understand that my goal might need to change, based on the needs of my body.


So ninja, it is! New Asics kicks instead of ninja-wear, but the same commitment to the journey and the bravery to keep out the dark forces (in this case doubt, disappointment and further injury.) Following the five rules should prepare me for whatever comes my way!

A Bump in the Road

Oh no! This is my worst fear as a runner. And it is happening in week two of marathon training. I am so disheartened and resisting the constant urge to cry: something is wrong with my knee.

I have been working out 4 or 5 times a week steadily for the last several months. I varied my routine with swimming, elliptical, bike, boot camp, short and long runs, slowly and for speed. I was doing everything right, or so I thought.

And then it happened. The last four runs or so, it feels like my knee is going to burn up and explode right off my body. Nothing specific happened, no twist or injury that I can recall. And I am an optimist: when I first felt the twinge I figured if I just kept moving the pain would go away. That did not happen. I have been trying to ignore this and refusing to admit it to myself. I have an injury that must be attended.

I can run through the pain (apparently I am stronger than I thought….or maybe just stupider.) But when I did my seven miles Sunday and couldn’t walk up the stairs to the bedroom later, I figured I needed to do something.

I am waiting on a physical therapist appointment and working on my upper body and trying to not get depressed. In an ironic twist, I also have a head full of a terrible cold, so I don’t really feel like jumping in the pool.

Although I usually specialize in teaching grammar and writing, I am thinking this is my IT band. Any thoughts or ideas would be gratefully appreciated.

As Langston Hughes said, “What happens to a dream deferred?” I’m not too excited by the answer.

Runner: Noun (from the Old English) meaning "strong" and "flow"

Bill the salesman is a quality guy. I know this because I am standing in his specialty store for runners, Second Sole, and HE is obviously a runner, and I am obviously NOT a runner, am I am trying to choke out the words “I am a runner” and he is not even poking fun. I don’t understand why this is so hard for me. I know what the dictionary says about being A RUNNER. A runner is a person who runs. And I do that. I really do. I have run two half-marathons in the past year and countless three milers and six milers and a good baker’s dozen of ten milers throughout the past few months. I have run in the woods and the rain and in the heat and on a treadmill and on the sand and by myself and in a crowd or with only an early-morning deer or skunk for company. But still I choke on this sentence.

But now it is time to grow up and show up, and officially become what I already am: a runner. So I am standing in front of Bill who is holding back a smile while I stammer and stutter and tell him I need new running shoes. Maybe THIS is the rub. Running is the sport that requires the LEAST equipment and I haven’t been doing even that much right.

My first pair of shoes when I started this new trend in my life two years ago was an eighteen dollar Target pair that was on sale for nine bucks. They served me well, those no name shoes, and helped me to fall in love with the sport. And I even ran my first 13.1 in them. I stepped on a nail when I was eight miles in, and finished the last five with a nail protruding from the bottom corner. Stubborn girl, this one. (I knew that if I stopped to pull it out I would never start back up again!)

I advanced a bit in the last year to the Asic’s gel shoes I found at Kohl’s with my thirty percent off coupon. They’ve gotten me through a lot of early morning miles and trips through the paved woods path near my home. They have gone the distance, (pun intended) but since I have been keeping up with this new sport that I love to hate, I know it is time to buy some big girl kicks.

So here I am, my stomach in a knot, my pulse racing, and sweet William is nodding his head and smiling. Bill examines my feet, takes a look at my stance and stride, and measures my foot size by sight. (This amazes me and makes me feel like I am in the right place, although this is actually his JOB, so why am I so surprised?)

He brings out five pairs and I love them all. (Smart man, this Bill.) I am sure the other customers enjoy my wind sprint trials through the apparel section, but I finally narrow it down to two: the Asics 21700 STORM with purple laces and the Adidas Supernova Sequence Y. I love them both. As I always have trouble making decisions, and they are both the same price, I close my eyes at the checkout and have Bill ring up whichever he chooses.

I walk out with the Asics (I think they are a bit more comfortable anyway, though you'll have to ask me after a 15 mile training run in a few weeks), a few of Bill’s suggestions for IT band stretches (the sore knee a major reason I went there in the first place), and a smile. And maybe, just maybe, there is a little swagger in my step and a bit of confidence in myself as a runner.

When my 350 miles are up and I go back for more, there is no doubt. I’m buying the bright orange Adidas. Now THAT will make my career as a runner official!

Eyes on the Prize

Cleveland in January 2012 is a runner’s paradise. I had been beginning to question my sanity at settling on the late May Cleveland Marathon (although my original thought process was that in the summer I could then TOTALLY relax after teaching and training for 26.2 for months. Oh, and train for a triathlon. But that's a story for a different day.) I was starting to picture miles and miles on the treadmill with nothing to entertain me except the YMCA television set to the weather channel. Really, how much of the same revolving radar can one girl stand? But THIS kind of January is perfect for me.

Running outside is my thing. I am a nature girl to start with, having been the one to cut the grass and plant the gardens from a very tender age. I just love the fresh air and sunshine and even the bleak foreboding skies that signal storms. My very first run was on a dark and stormy night, in fact. I just always seem to hit my groove faster in the great outdoors.

No matter what time of year, though, it is not easy for me to train. As a teacher and mother I have offered up the time after school to the grading gods and since the fairies have yet to make it to my house, I am also in charge of dinner and homework and general mayhem control at home after school. Therefore, I covet the morning for training time.

I have a love/hate relationship with an alarm that rings at 4:30 in the morning. I can’t stand getting out of the warm cocoon but I am amazed by the power a quick morning run gives me. It sometimes ends up being the only thing I accomplish in a day, but it is a biggie.

And to run the last few early mornings outside is a rare January treat. I am saving the big guns for the Hal Higdon “18 Weeks to Glory” program I will begin next week. (Oh boy, I hope I counted right.) But there is something truly magical about running in the moonlit darkness, dodging the leaping deer and scuttling ground hogs and slow-moving paper man that I inevitably find in my morning run.

I am an optimist and thinking hard about how long I can milk this good weather. On a sunny day with temperatures almost near 50, even the 5 a.m. run feels pretty good. I could use a whole winter of this. Because when my days start off with some purposeful exercise, I have enough energy to grab my running shoes AFTER work too and race my sons around the cul-de-sac. The seven year old skunked me in the race, but the golden orange sky of the setting sun was an amazing prize.

The Short List for 2012

1. Re-lose the fifteen pounds I have gained and lose four more.
2. Towpath Trilogy, Cleveland Marathon, triathlon.
3. More Scooby Doo Trouble, painting, piano duets, active listening, flashcards, and fun with my kids.
4. Date night and DTL with my husband.
5. Get paid to write.
6. Eat like a marathoner.
7. Leave it all on the field. Stop holding back.
8. Turn off the Facebook.
9. Clean and organize the house. Always.
10. Spend face time with friends.

A Game of Moments

The pork has been devoured, and the saukerkraut put away. The children are nestled early in bed. This happens when four year olds stay up till midnight to watch Lady Gaga drop the ball. Try explaining THAT one. And now for the resolving, the goal setting, the looking back over the previous year.

It seems that I did not make ANY resolutions at the beginning of 2011. Or at least I didn’t write them down! Not that I didn’t do new things or work hard, but I just didn’t seem to plan these things at the turn of last year. I savored some victories through the past months, and dragged my feet in defeat a few times too. But I don’t really want to dwell there.

The new year is here, and I am ready to roll. I even get an extra day to make the magic happen this year!! The first things that come to mind are easy: the physical ones. They seem easy because I have already planned them and plunked down the cash. (Cash is a big motivator.) The big game is the MARATHON. Yes, you read that correctly. Twenty-six point two miles. The date is May 20th, and I am already training. Part of my training is participating in the Towpath Trilogy, three races that span 2012 and the beautiful Towpath trails of Greater Cleveland. The first half-marathon is April 1 (a day for fools, of course.) Also, my pal Patrick is getting me hooked into a triathlon sometime in August when the lake heats up. In between these big ticket days I anticipate a lot of running at the crack of dawn, a few 5K’s and smaller races, and some fatigue. (By some I mean A LOT.) For someone who just started running a year and a half ago, I still marvel that these are my goals. Although these are physical goals, I already know that they are changing my heart. I never dreamed this was possible, and now I constantly wonder what ELSE I thought I could not do.

Along with the physical training, I resolve to take control. I am the kind of person who can look up marathon training tips while eating an entire plate of cookies. That needs to stop. As Pat and I say, “What would a marathoner eat?” I am thinking it is not an entire bag of Funyons or a whole box of Malley’s chocolates. (I am so quick like that!) I would like to think about food as fuel instead of reward, to make the machine of my body work well with the right fuel. If I pull this off, it should result in a few more pounds lost, and a few more muscles gained. Pretty integral for my fortieth year.

The other resolutions are seemingly harder, and more important. They involve my children and my friends and my attitude. I would like to be more hands on with my kids. More games of Scooby Doo Trouble, more piano duets with my daughter, more saying yes to painting, and ship-building and CREATIONS. This will involve more living in the moment and being present. They grow up too fast and I want to hang on to these moments, and to truly live them. I can worry about the dishes after bedtime. I’d like to write more letters to my friends and drink coffee with them on purpose and meet for dinner. Real relationships and moments savored can take the place of too much dawdling on the computer or worrying about tomorrow.

I’d like to stop saving my energy for later. I seem to always hold back because of what I might need to do in the future, with my friends or my housework or my school work. What if I get too tired? Well, what if I do? I resolve to live more full throttle and nap LATER. More doing what matters and living each minute.

The list is already too long. There is more in my heart and my head. But this is a good start. What if I just live each moment with gratitude and purpose? I’ve learned a lot this year about my self and my story. I know how blessed I am and I want to prove that in the way I live each day. I get to do this. And I am so very thankful for all that I have.