Waiting

Waiting patiently is not in my skill set. I have never been good at waiting for special events like birthday parties or trips to the circus. The countdown to the first day of school gave me fits. As a student because I was dying to get back to it, as a teacher because I longed to spend a few more days (or weeks) cuddled with my children. Or lying on a beach somewhere. And waiting nine months for a baby to arrive? Forget about it. Although I did it three times, it never got any easier.

But now I find myself in a very different holding pattern. My cousin is waiting to die. She has been sick for a long time but always bounced back. But now it seems the final chapter is upon her. Last Thursday the doctors gave her twelve hours to live. They have never seen anyone last more than two days in her condition without dialysis. Ever. But it has been practically a week and she is still waiting. She is a tough Irish lady, for sure, and this week her ten brothers and sisters flew in from Ireland to say their good-byes. Her five children take turns at her bedside and her devoted husband is ever at her side.

She is home from the hospital now, still waiting, and I marvel at the circle of it all. This is the family home where she welcomed her new children into the world. Her oldest son died here when he was a young boy. Her fourteen grandchildren have enjoyed family dinners and backyard games for the past twenty years. And in between the daily cups of tea and pieces of toast, countless birthday parties, wrestling matches, lost homework, and found cousins who needed a place to stay.

Her life has not been easy. The oldest of sixteen, she was forced to grow up quickly and her decision to come to America forced her to leave so much behind. She lost a child and almost another when chicken pox invaded the end of her pregnancy. The emergency traecheotomy changed her lilting voice forever. Her husband’s health has always been precarious and she has endured her share of hospital waiting rooms during his open heart surgeries. Her financial world has often been tough as well.

But through it all I have learned from her stoic pride, her love for her family. I don’t know five grown brothers and sisters that spend more time together. Anywhere. And her quiet devotion to her husband is a true treasure. So I wonder what she is waiting for. Why she is holding so tightly to a body that is clearly giving out? I wonder what jobs she thinks she must finish before her spirit can rest in peace. And so we wait. And we take food to her siblings and take her children out for a beer and a smoke. And we watch her doze and wake and make peace with her life.