First Day of School

There is something mildly terrifying about today. I am sending my little girl into the big bad world of school. I know I shouldn’t panic. She has the sweetest teacher on the planet. She has a few good friends and many genuinely sweet students in her room. But still I worry. Maybe it is because she is my first born. I have never been through first grade as a parent before. Maybe it is because she is so specific and serious in her learning. Maybe it is just because I know how mean children can be to other children, even under the best of circumstances. And so I wait, watching the clock spin slowly and willing her a good day.

She is a marvel, this daughter of mine. And I am learning to expect more from her as she grows more competent and confident. Last night she packed her own lunch. I never even touched it. She made a roast beef sandwich, complete with mustard, and packed several side dish items. She insisted on a snack too, in case the first graders get a break. I like how she thinks ahead and shapes her days in her head.

But as I wait for her homecoming today, the what-ifs are dancing in my head. Have I taught her the skills she needs? Will she read more fluently this year? Will she fit in with her peers? Will she use her manners? The questions and worries are endless really. I walk a fine line between wanting her to be a strong individual, but also a classmate that is well-liked and fits in. I want her to ask questions and push boundaries but also be respectful. I hope that she is concerned for others but also takes care of herself. And I wonder if I have used the last seven years to the best of my abilities as a mother and a mentor for her.

Seven years almost to the day since I welcomed my wrinkled baby daughter into the world. And there have been seven years of laughs and tears, lessons and love. I hope she realizes how I cherish her and how she amazes me. And on the first day of school, I hope that her classmates will see in her the sensitive, funny, confident girl that I see when I look at her. And I hope they will value her as I do.